What do we do when we are hurt, or cut ourselves or down with a fever? We tend to it. We fix our wound or clean the cut or take medication for the fever. We keep ourselves clean, we maintain hygiene… right!! But when about psychological health or emotional hygiene? Do we do anything about that? Are we even aware of such things? I guess not.
We sustain psychological injuries even more often than we do physical ones, injuries like failure or rejection or loneliness. And they can also get worse if we ignore them, and they can impact our lives in dramatic ways.“Oh, you’re feeling depressed? Just shake it off; it’s all in your head.” Can you imagine saying that to somebody with a broken leg: “Oh, just walk it off; it’s all in your leg.”
I was in a beautiful relationship with a beautiful girl. One day she had to go away on a business to another city. I started missing her and got very lonely without her. Long distance relationships are not good. One day she was supposed to call me and she was under the impression that I was supposed to call her… and both of us didn’t call. This created a big confusion and ultimately ended up in break off. Later on, when I think about it, it seems so silly. Why didn’t I just call her if I was missing her so much? What stopped me? Ego? More than that it was the loneliness.
Loneliness creates a deep psychological wound, one that distorts our perceptions and scrambles our thinking. It makes us believe that those around us care much less than they actually do. It make us really afraid to reach out, because why set yourself up for rejection and heartache when your heart is already aching more than you can stand?
Loneliness won’t just make you miserable, it will kill you. I’m not kidding. Chronic loneliness increases your likelihood of an early death by 14 percent.Loneliness causes high blood pressure, high cholesterol. It even suppress the functioning of your immune system, making you vulnerable to all kinds of illnesses and diseases. Loneliness fuels your ego, makes you depressed, self-loathing and create a serious lack of self-belief.
Are you aware of how your mind reacts to failure? You need to be. Because if your mind tries to convince you, that you’re incapable of something and you believe it. So many people function below their actual potential.Because somewhere along the way, sometimes a single failure convinced them that they couldn’t succeed, and they believed it. Our mind is hard to change once we become convinced. So it might be very natural to feel demoralized and defeated after you fail. But you cannot allow yourself to become convinced you can’t succeed. You have to fight feelings of helplessness. You have to gain control over the situation. And you have to break this kind of negative cycle before it begins.
You know what’s more damaging than a rejection or failure? It’s the fear of rejection or failure. We all start thinking of all our faults and all our shortcomings, what we wish we were, what we wish we weren’t, we call ourselves names. Maybe not as harshly, but we all do it. And it’s interesting that we do, because our self-esteem is already hurting. Why would we want to go and damage it even further? We wouldn’t make a physical injury worse on purpose. You wouldn’t get a cut on your arm and decide, “Oh, I know! I’m going to take a knife and see how much deeper I can make it.”
But we do that with psychological injuries all the time. Why? Because of poor emotional hygiene.
Studies tell us that even a two-minute distraction is sufficient to break the urge to ruminate in that moment. And so each time I had a worrying, upsetting, negative thought, force to concentrate on something else until the urge passed. And within one week, you’ll start noticing the difference and became more positive and more hopeful. DO NOT FOCUS ON THE PROBLEMS OR TROUBLES. DO NOT GIVE IT ANY IMPORTANCE.
Some people love loathing or bathing in misery. They convince themselves they are a failure and hopeless and somehow they love showing if off. It’s a classic case of inferior complex super shelled by superior complex (it’s the bang opposite of making your weakness into your strength). Some people are negative about everything by nature and they call it “being practical”. These are the people who are in dire straights and suffering within. I must tell you this behaviour is not helping you and never will. Change the entire attitude NOW.
ps: Inspired from Dr. Guy Winch’s TED presentation. Thank you Dr. Winch.