Give me a good hug!! Your potty always tells you if you are listening closely! They say a dog is man’s best friend. Can you shit on them? Can you get world best and most creative idea sitting on them? Can you enjoy the newspaper anywhere else better then that? No my friend no! Let’s admit it. A potty, nice clean shining potty is man’s best friend. After all no one else can take more shit from you then your lovely little potty does. It’s a fact. Have you ever thought how much shit your potty has taken from you and has it ever asked anything back?
Imagine this… you get up early morning, unshaved, with smelly mouth, uncouth. You say good morning to your self and then turn to your right (if you like the left side of the bed) to kiss your wife good morning. But she pushes you away and tells you to go brush your mouth first. While you try to gather your thoughts for the day you realize that you have a very important presentation, which isn’t finished yet. Your boss is going to kill you. Suddenly you hear a very irritating voice “Tea’s read… come to the dining table”. Like an obedient husband you go and join your wife for tea. You pick up the newspaper and it reads:
“1000 more lay off from work.”
“Global recession hits the stock market.”
“Crude Oil price touches record high”
“Govt. is planning to ban smoking, drinking in pubs, dancing in bars, eating at restaurants…etc”
Aaaaaaaaaaaa!! Too much!! You throw the newspaper at one side and take a sip of nice hot tea. Ah feeling little better. Right then your wife starts yapping:
“We have to pay the maid”
“Mrs. Sharma was saying that gold prices are going to fall, I always wanted to buy a necklace.”
“Tinku is not paying attention in his studies”
“Let’s go to visit Shimla this time and come back before Friday the 13th because my mother is coming to stay with us for a month on that day.”
Arrrrrggghh!! You need to get away from this. You need to escape. Think… think… where can you get some peace!!
There it is the most peaceful place on the whole world. You get up and slowly start waking towards the toilet door, your wife still yapping… yap yap yap, your boss is on your head shouting “finish that presentation”, fallen stocks taking form of a huge monster (Libilitecious). You turn back see a huge monster with three heads breathing fire down your neck, wife yapping, boss barking, Libilitecious chasing you and they are about to hold your neck but you succeed in entering the toilet. You hold the door against them, they are pushing hard, they are about to break in but you still try to hold it, pushing hard, a little more effort a little more power… aaaaaahhhh you put your entire effort and SHUT. You manage to shut the door at their face.
Silence, Peace, tranquility, the eternal sunshine of a spotless mind! You are finally free. You started to breathe again. You are in the most beautiful place in the world, its lovely. It’s a meadow with green grasses all around you, beautiful open sky above you. You can hear the birds chirping and a small brook flowing near by (though it looks like its coming out of a brass tap…but whatever). You walk bare feet in the grass, which is little wet because of the early morning dew. You see a most beautiful waterfall in front of you. You walk towards it and what you see when you reach there takes your breath away. It’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen. You are in love, its love at first sight. You slowly approach it and when you come close, its even more beautiful. You slowly caress its lid and open it and rest it in 105 degree’s angle on the water tank above it. You look at the lovely architecture of its curves inside little filled with water at bottom.
You take off the pajaamas and sit on the cold rim of the potty. You adjust your bottom in the rim of the potty… ah there you go, it’s a perfect match. It fits like it was custom made for your bottom. Who said that only marriages are made in heaven?
Now you light up a long deserving smoke. You take the one long drag… a little more pressure and it’ll be out. You take another drag and ah… there you are… oh baby look at the size of it (where the hell is Guinness’ guys now?)
Its hanging and dangling, slowly and nicely it takes a plunge deep down in the small pool of water and it’s a perfect dive… 9.98 out of 10. It’s a new world record. The entire stadium is at their feet, clapping and cheering the new world record of the perfect dive. Meanwhile a tiny droplet of water which jumped up when our diver took a perfect plunge and has now reached left side of the moon, and it made a contact a perfect landing on the surface of your bare skin, one of the most sensitive parts of your body. The moment that tiny droplet of the water touches your skin it creates a spark a shiver in the cold winter morning, which slowly spreads across your entire body and reaches your mind.
Yawn… mind takes another yawn and turns another side to further sleep in glory, right then the spark which started from the bottom travelling all the up the skull region forms a shape of pair of hands and in its cold claw holds the sleeping brain and shakes him off from deep slumber.
Now suddenly you realize that all the ideas for the presentation and falling in place. YESS!! Why didn’t I think of this before? The answer is simple my friend, you didn’t come to your best friend before. Your presentation is a hit, you get a big bonus and you take your wife to a Mauritius for a month and thus successfully avoiding the coming of your mother in law.
In the best hotels of Mauritius you get up in the morning and use another luxury potty but you forgot that back at home your humble, honest potty who sent you an exotic place is still waiting for you to come and give him a big hug!!